


Let It Out

by WalkOnThroughARedParade



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M, M/M, OT4: wild children - Freeform, mention minor character death, seriously it's like a lot of angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-08
Updated: 2014-02-08
Packaged: 2018-01-11 15:54:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,382
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1174950
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WalkOnThroughARedParade/pseuds/WalkOnThroughARedParade
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He could hear voices around him, yelling and snapping at each other, could feel a hand settle high on his back, between his shoulder blades as someone spoke low in his ear.<br/>That was wrong.<br/>The hand was placed too high, was too small, fingers too long, the voice in his ear too high and accented wrong.</p>
<p>Or: In Which Peter, Wendy And Henry Are Driven To Taking Desperate Measures To Bring Felix Back.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Let It Out

**Author's Note:**

> A conclusion to a painful headcanoning session with Hattie, which can be found here;  
> http://rorythedragon.tumblr.com/post/74017386746/walkonthrougharedparade-rorythedragon

"I feel…uneasy." Ruby glanced up from where she’d been packing the handful of things she and Granny had decided they wanted to take back to the Enchanted Forest; and she studied the teenage boy sat on the other side of the room carefully, following the tense line of his shoulders with her eyes.

He looked like he was bracing himself for something; like he could feel a drop coming, even if he couldn’t see it.

Something guilty twisted in the pit of her stomach.

“You shouldn’t. The Enchanted Forest is a good place; great for a new start. Not exactly safe anymore, if Snow and Emma are right, but still.” She dragged her bottom lip through her teeth, trying to find something to make him feel more at ease, Pack bonds taunt and reverberating with the unease he was feeling.

“You grew up there, Felix. Maybe going back will jog some good memories.” The lie felt bitter on her tongue, and she swallowed the sudden urge to throw up as she watched him relax slightly, soothed by her forced enthusiasm.

_It’ll hurt, and he might hate all of us for a while, but it’s the only way. The only thing that will bring him back._

Peter's words rang in her ears, and for a moment she could feel everything she'd heard in his voice, understand; the hollow sort of helplessness he's stopped being able to hide as weeks had dragged on with no progress, just more Turns, more nights with a white-and-gold wolf who turned himself inside out with the memories he couldn't drag to the forefront of his mind, more mornings with a confused teenager curling up in a back booth at Granny's, watching the trio he'd been forced to forget with something pained and confused lingering in the lines of his face; the simmering anger at being reduced to this, reduced to jumping realms and risking Felix's hatred to get the old him back, to gain the return of the blue eyed boy who'd bared his teeth at Henry's mothers in challenge, who'd stood at Peter's back and only ever softened publicly when Wendy slid her fingertips over his pulse; the quiet, cold pain under his voice, composure cracking and failing in the face of having the shell of a boy he'd known for eight hundred years before him for months, the quiet ache which had grown to live in the cavity of his ribs, the aftermath of all his fury at losing his ability to break the spell keeping Felix docile and ignorant.

Ruby ached, for a long moment, for the impossible and immortal boy who had been released and crippled only to find his best friend, the boy he loved fiercely and possessively, had been hollowed out and denied almost every memory of his friends and family; been denied the bonds that had shaped him.

She ached for the blonde boy she'd coaxed into becoming her Pack, for the teenager who couldn't look at the three people he'd loved more than anything before Regina and Rumplestiltskin had gotten their hands on him without feeling confused and upset, for the boy who was practically her family but had had to lose every other family he'd ever had to make that familial connection.

Felix studied her quietly, something confused and concerned lingering in his eyes; and Ruby let out a breath before shoving the last of the things they were taking into her bag.

"Alright. That's everything." Felix ducked his head in a nod of acknowledgement, holding out a hand to take the bag from her and hoist it over his shoulder; and Ruby softened slightly, smiling at him before they made their way out of the house, walking in silence to where the last of Storybrooke's residents were waiting to return to the Enchanted Forest, gathered in front of the library.

Peter's eyes were on them the moment they arrived, watching the way Felix accepted Granny's gentle squeeze of his shoulder with no more protest than a slightly unsettled smile. Ruby took in the way Henry interlocked their fingers, squeezing tightly; and when the boys looked at her she couldn't help the way her expression twisted.

She only hesitated a moment before walking over to them, offering Felix a reassuring smile when he watched her go, tensing at the distance.

Wendy accepted the hug she gave her gratefully.

"You're sure this is the only way?" Ruby's voice was low, and she frowned at Peter hard, studying his face carefully. He met the look evenly, but she could read the exhaustion in his expression, the desperate edge to his eyes.

This was their last chance.

"I'm sure." He stated, only relaxing a little when Henry moved to rest his forehead against his shoulder.

"It'll work." The younger boy murmured, tone confident; and the laugh that cut out of Peter was rough, pained as he looked back over at Felix, studied the way he was stood, all tense lines and confusion.

"Yeah, that's what I'm dreading." Wendy curled into his side securely, and his eyes slid shut with the warm weight of her.

Ruby crossed her arms over her chest as she watched them, meeting eyes with Henry when he glanced up at her.

"I'm sure you'll get through it." She offered, quiet; and Peter bared his teeth in a grin that didn't quite reach his eyes, his fingers tightening their grip on Wendy's waist. In response the blonde girl tightened her own grip on him, reaching to hold onto Henry's wrist securely.

"Even if we don't right away, it's not like we'll be lacking in time to beg forgiveness." Ruby's expression creased in confusion; and Henry's expression twisted reluctantly, eyes soft and voice quiet when he answered her unspoken question.

"As soon as Felix has his memories back, we're going back to Neverland. It's not safe for him or Peter to be in the Enchanted Forest; and my moms will only fight over me if I stay." Ruby opened her mouth wordlessly; before she snapped it shut and blinked hard, nodding her head sharply.

"Right. Of course." Wendy watched her, expression softening.

"Ruby..." She started; but Ruby cut her off with a frown.

"I may have been tricked into it, but right now I'm Felix's Alpha; he's my Pack. It's my job to protect and care for him, and he'll be safest with you, in Neverland." A corner of her mouth curled up into a pained smile, and she met Peter's eyes when he looked at her.

"Not that I think the Pack bond is going to survive him regaining his memories; you can't have two Alphas in one Pack, and our bond isn't as strong as those he lost. It hasn't existed as long, hasn't got as many roots." She saw the confirmation of her suspicions in Peter's eyes, and her smile twisted; before they all looked toward Emma when she announced they were about to open the portal.

Ruby let out a breath, and glanced at the three teenagers.

"I'll see you on the other side." She offered, mouth curling humourlessly; and she turned to jog back over to Felix and Granny, accepting the hand her grandmother held out for her gratefully.

As much as her Pack bond with Felix was weak, impossible to ever really solidify when half the boy himself was missing, it would hurt for it to break.

She'd need all the support she could get.

-

The last of Storybrooke's citizens dropped into the field the portal had transported them too, most dropping heavily to the ground before they took in their surroundings, laughed and embraced each other.

Felix landed heavily on his knees, just catching himself on his hands, and sucked in a breath; which then got caught in his throat as he shook, eyes widening and something deep in his chest, something he'd only been able to feel during a Turn, broke open, spilling out contained memories and bonds and _grief_ that had been forced out of his head with magic.

Sisters.

He remembered his sisters.

He remembered blonde hair, tangled and matted and catching around his fingers when they curled against his chest and he coaxed them closer to sleep, gentle fingers on their scalps.

He remembered blue eyes, darker than his but always warmer, brighter, more enthusiastic. He could remember the way they'd flashed with excitement, shuttered when they were being scolded by their mother; remembered being seven years old and having twin sets of deep, beautiful blue eyes blink up at him from a crib, tiny hands grasp at the air before his nose while his baby sisters cooed and gurgled up at him.

He remembered first words, first steps, the comforting press of his mother's fingers in his hair as he watched his sisters shriek and splash each other on the banks of a river after their first shift, remembered his brothers tumbling into each other, loud laughter and cat calls, remembered the sound of them sleeping, the hiss of quiet, high voices late at night as his sisters whispered to each other.

He could remember the warm pressure of them, sleeping against his chest, murmuring and curling fingers into his shirt.

He could remember the song of their laughter as they clambered over him.

Could remember the colour of their fur, more white and grey than the white and gold of his own and his mother's.

He could remember the glassy stare of their eyes, shorn curls scattered on the earth around their bodies, dark blood sticky on his hands when he dragged them closer and his fingers caught on cold wounds.

Felix could hear something; a thin, quiet, pained noise filtering in through all the static in his head as his memories gained colour and emotion; and it took a yell cutting out of him, harsh and grieving and _broken_ for him to realise it was him, crying without intending to in a way he hadn't done since...

Since...

He remembered running with a wolf with black fur and eyes the colour of coal.

He remembered cautiously edging closer to a girlwolf _girl_ who snarled at every carefully earned inch, until she went pliant under his hands, let him groom matted fur with each Turn and willingly bared the back of her neck to the gentle scrape of his teeth.

He remembered laughter and playful fighting, remembered Turn after Turn as he remembered what it was like to have another running beside you again, and she grew used to having someone run beside her, as she slowly learnt to trust him.

He remembered waking up with black curls in his mouth, remembered soft dark eyes watching him like he was something miraculous and unique, remembered how it felt to be an Alpha and a friend and a brother again.

He remembered the quiet, surprised noise she had made as steel slid through her internal organs, dragged the life out of her.

He remembered the confusion that died with her in coal black eyes when he'd cried over her, trying to stop the blood with his bare hands.

He remembered granting mercy that wasn't really mercy at all, because death is too good for some people, and if he has to suffer _why shouldn't they?_

Rufio.

He _remembered Rufio._

Another noise cut out of him, cut through the low whine in the back of his throat, loud and broken and cracking half way out of his mouth until he was choking on it, crying and sobbing and _screaming_ into the earth beneath him, earth he'd never wanted to see or smell or touch again.

He could hear voices around him, yelling and snapping at each other, could feel a hand settle high on his back, between his shoulder blades as someone spoke low in his ear.

That was wrong.

The hand was placed too high, was too small, fingers too long, the voice in his ear too high and accented wrong.

"Felix shh, I've got you, the others are here. You remember them now, right? Henry, and Wendy, and Peter? You remember Peter, don't you?" Felix's eyes snapped open - he didn't remember shutting them, didn't remember when the tears on his cheeks had started - as the last memories _snapped_ back into place, into colour and clarity.

Where the others had eased back like syrup these returned in a flash, and a whimper shook out of him even as he trembled, fisted his fingers in the grass and lifted his head slowly.

He stared at the backs before him, stood between him and the magic users of Storybrooke, stared at the centre-most one; and his voice was raw, torn apart when he spoke.

"Why?" Peter's head snapped around to look at him, green eyes gleaming; but Felix could _see_ the comprehension sink into them as he met his gaze, accepted the weight of tear-filled blue eyes locked on him.

"Why, Peter? You promised. You never promise anything but you _promised_. You said I'd never have to- you _promised_ that- _why did you bring me back_?!" The last words tore out of him, and Peter convulsed with them, turned on his heel and took a step closer to Felix, hands outstretched.

Felix almost leapt to his feet, tearing out of Ruby's gentle grip on him, and he stumbled several steps back, a desperate and pained whine tearing out of him, Pack bonds newly reformed and protesting the distance.

But he pushed himself back several more steps, aware of the betrayal written across his face, how Wendy and Henry could see it when they turned to face him.

He shook his head hard when they reached for him, took another step back.

And then he turned and ran, vanishing into the trees at the edge of the clearing.

-

They hesitated for a long moment at the edge of the grove, eyes on the back of the boy knelt before the largest, strongest tree.

Henry started forward first, releasing Wendy's hand and moving quietly to kneel beside Felix, close enough to touch if the blonde boy wanted but not infringing on his personal space; and he studied Felix's face silently, trying to read what he was thinking in his expression.

Felix's eyes were fixed on the tree, studying the pattern of the bark silently with nameless emotions flitting across his face too fast for Henry too keep track of. After a moment his eyes slid shut, until he was squeezing them closed, expression creased and pained as he rocked forward until his forehead was resting against the bark.

"I buried them under this tree." Felix ground out the words, voice strained, weak with the way he had been screaming earlier, and Henry remained silent, listening attentively, eyes soft on his face.

"My sisters. Twins. They were only nine, but when people are looking for monsters they don't see children." He braced one hand against the trunk, palm flat, fingers splayed.

"I wanted to bury all of them, but there were too many. I knew the hunters were coming back, buried the girls and then ran. Didn't stop running for...for months. Thought maybe, maybe I could out run the memories, stop seeing them every time I tried to sleep. When that didn't work I stopped sleeping. Still saw it over and over though, burned onto the backs of my eyelids. My little sisters, killed for something they had no control over. And my _mother_ -" Felix cut himself off with a quiet noise, visibly curling in on himself; and Henry had to bite down on his bottom lip to stop himself sobbing softly, tears warm and heavy on his cheeks.

He could tell Felix wasn't done.

Felix took a moment to compose himself, shaking and leaning heavily against the tree, breath catching in his throat; before he visibly swallowed and continued, voice a rasp.

"I was never supposed to come back here. Never again. It's been eight hundred years but I still can't...I still- I see them _everywhere_. And I can feel their blood on my hands. Even after eight hundred years I can still _feel_ it." Henry shook with the weight of the sobs building in the back of his throat, fighting the way every inch of him was screaming for him to reach out and touch, soothe the shaking of Felix's shoulders with his hands and hold him until the soft, unconscious whine in the back of his throat died.

Felix tipped his head just enough to peer at Henry, eyes sliding open; and his expression softened as he took in the tears on his cheeks, the way he kept swallowing hard to stop himself from sobbing aloud.

He reached out slowly, gently stroking the tears off Henry's cheek with his thumb and then carding his fingers through the brunette's hair gently.

" Henry." He murmured; and Henry practically fell into him, wrapping his arms around Felix's neck and crying against his shoulder, hiccupping with the force of his tears while Felix wrapped an arm around his waist and rubbed soothing circles into his lower back.

"We just wanted you _back_." Henry sobbed the words, clinging to Felix as he continued to cry, gasping out apologies while Felix just silently soothed him with the gentle pressure of his hand, resting his head on top of Henry's and just _breathing_ for a moment.

"I know." He mumbled, eyes sliding shut; and the breath rushed out of him when arms slipped around his waist, Wendy pressing against his back and leaning her forehead against the back of his neck.

He relished the sensation for a moment before speaking.

"I forgot Rufio, Bird." He whispered the words, expression creasing; and she tightened the grip of her arms around him, kissing the back of his neck softly.

"I'm sure she understands." Wendy whispered; and the laugh that shook out of him was physically painful to listen to, prompting the others to tighten their respective grips on him even as Henry quietened, his tears stopping.

Felix turned his head to face the tree line and the boy lingering there, watching him quietly, fingers stilling on Henry's back.

Peter Pan looked back at him, hands closed into fists at his sides; and when he spoke his voice was strained.

"I needed you back." He stated, eyes intent on Felix's, searching for understanding and forgiveness.

Felix looked back at him for a moment; before his expression crumbled, and the others felt the way he slumped in their arms.

"I know. _Peter_." Peter was in front of Felix in a second, hands framing Felix's face so he could stroke his thumbs over his cheeks, sticky with tear tracks, and for a long moment he just took him in before leaning forward, pressing their lips together.

Felix responded eagerly, kissing back like he was drowning and Peter was air, the arm not wrapped securely around Henry slipping around Peter so he could slide fingers into Peter's hair, drag his bottom lip through his teeth and drink in the noise the other boy made, like he was finally coming home, like everything had finally slotted into place again.

Peter's teeth came down on his lip, not quite hard enough to draw blood, and Felix whined into his mouth before he pulled away.

They rested their foreheads together, taking a moment to just breathe; and Felix whispered his next words, eyes sliding shut.

"I want to go home."

He could feel the remnants of his bond with Ruby - they all could, the pain of the break seeping through their own bonds, like cobwebs cast across their eyes. It was distracting, but not enough to really hurt; not more than being in the Enchanted Forest did, not more than having his memories flood back the way they had.

He'd miss her. They'd all miss her, the quiet support she'd offered, the way she'd cared for Felix without question while they'd tried to break the spell on Felix, but they had to get away. Away from memories best not dwelt upon, away from the people who actually thought it was _acceptable_ to take the people they loved from them.

Felix wanted to go _home_.

Peter nodded once, and the others echoed the gesture, pressing soft kisses to his skin.

"Then we go home."

**Author's Note:**

> I have so many regrets. So many.


End file.
